I always figured that if you have short hair, a haircut should be fairly easy and straightforward. But somehow, I still get burned by massive swings in quality every time I move and have to find a new barber or stylist. I’ve gone through the entire gamut of hair cutting options, from the neighborhood barbershop to the high-end, suburban mom, salon treatment. The best of the bunch is the chain Hair Cuttery, and here’s why:
I went to a barbershop my whole life until I was 25, mostly because I grew up with the notion ingrained in me that “men go to barbershops, that’s just the way it is!” It took me a very long time to realize there’s a better option out there.
If you haven’t been to a barbershop, here’s a brief rundown of the experience: You walk into a mostly empty storefront and are met with three grizzled barbers complaining about something, the specifics of which don’t really matter. You sit down, paw through the stack of magazines consisting of Field and Stream, Autotrader, and the occasional Playboy, and wait for the next chair to free up. Without fail, the first available option is the guy who once swiped his clippers against the back of your neck so aggressively, it looked like an aspen sapling got mangled by a weed whacker. But you’re too self-conscious to request the other guy, and don’t want to risk sounding whiny and high-maintenance to the rest of the patrons, so you’ll hop up on the chair and hope for the best.
Now it’s time to tell him how you like it cut. Forgot what you said last time? Don’t worry about it, because no matter what you say, you’re getting a crew cut with number 3 on the sides and a half inch on top.
If you have any local references saved up, now is the time to bust them out. Acceptable topics of conversation include: high school sports, being annoyed with cheaply made wares, and how much of a dipshit this new mayor is. The back-and-forth will probably lose steam after a few minutes, which will leave you sitting silently, facing away from the mirror, while you listen to the menacing buzz of the clippers and wonder to yourself, “What’s going on back there?” and, “How is he STILL taking more off the top?”
At the very least, the man is efficient, and trims you up in under 15 minutes. You’ll know it’s time to wrap up when you feel him tracing over the fresh razor burns on your neck with the hard, plastic tip of a Shop-Vac. After he rubs it over your now fully exposed scalp a few times, he’ll finish by holding it firmly against your eardrum. I’m guessing this is to suck out any loose hairs, earwax, or extra braincells you don’t want in there. Or maybe, it’s so you can experience the thrill of standing inside an airplane engine. Usually, I would rationalize this to myself and think, “Well, a haircut isn’t supposed to be comfortable, it’s supposed to be precise and thorough!”
You’ll thank the man, shake his hand, and smile. He’ll charge $12 and you tip him $3 in cash, regardless of the outcome. You’ll then wear a hat for two weeks while it “grows in,” because haircuts are supposed to have built in lead-times. That’s just how it works.
I eventually broke away from the barbershop to see if there were better options, and progressed to the next logical choice, SportClips – the Hooters of hair salons.
As a man, you may feel insecure walking into a hair salon, surrounded by women, asking you the tough questions like, “what would you like your hair to look like?” So you try out SportClips, where they stand by their mission of “You’re not gay for wanting to get your hair cut at a salon, no! Look at all these sexy women dressed in sporty outfits! We covered every wall with 60” TV screens blaring SportsCenter on repeat! How could that be gay?!” Unfortunately, they spend all their energy on convincing you that salons are manly, instead of delivering solid haircuts. So once you leave, you’ll slowly piece together that you basically paid a business $25 for a damp towel, a mediocre haircut, and to temporarily suppress your insecurities for an hour. And if you feel yourself needing that, you might as well stick to the barbershop and spend the extra cash on talk therapy.
Next, I decided to swing for the fences. Let’s try out the fancy boutique salon. Surely, I can overcome my baked-in, heteronormative bullshit, and get my hair cut by people who actually know what they’re doing, right? And let me tell ya,– these places are incredible. They have great customer service as soon as you walk in, they play tolerable music, and they give you advice on what would look good on you before they even start cutting your hair! It’s unheard of. There’s also the nice perk that a very attractive woman would tell me how fashionable I am the entire time (even though I know it’s bullshit, because I’m a cheap engineer who prefers fabric with optimal moisture wicking functionality over any sort of style choice. Not exactly the recipe for high fashion). But for this high-end experience, you sure do pay for it. I walked away with a $44 bill. Not exactly sustainable if you’re on a budget and doing that once a month.
The logical in-between choices are the chain salons like Great Clips, Supercuts, Floyd’s 99, and Hair Cuttery. After a few years of trying out various locations, they all seem to have the same caliber talent and are around the same price of $15. The problem is, every 1 in 4 cuts or so, I’ll get the occasional hack job that scares me off from one location, where I can never show my face again since I’m too self-conscious to specifically request NOT having that particular stylist again.
The solution and clear winner –
Hair Cuttery lets you go on their website and book appointments ahead of time with specific stylists. It shows the stylist’s experience level next to each of their names (Salon professional, Designer 1, Master Designer, etc.) The hair-hierarchy is a left to interpretation, but I’m guessing the more expensive, the better. Instead of spending top dollar at a fancy salon, go to the chain salon and pay medium dollar for their top stylist. Then you know you’re getting a hair veteran that will guarantee a solid cut. Plus, after visiting them a few times, you’ll have a go-to person and won’t have to panic as you try to remember how you usually describe your cutting preferences. This will save time and money, getting you back to the work you want to be doing.